🤡 HOW IT WORKS
(or: how to get rich doing absolutely f*ck all)
Welcome to PUMPTARDS — the protocol for people who rub crayons on their charts and yell "send it" at microwaves.
CA: BxikssQ9ZmG1ZUTT9gcpK8QgesgeRsBd9y6z2kCE7rDb 👈
This isn't DeFi.
This is Duh-Fi.
💅 STEP 1: BUY $TARDS
Congratulations, you've just committed to the worst best decision of your life.
No utility. No purpose. Just pure unfiltered pumpium.
You now hold $TARDS. You're officially a certified PUMPTARD™️. Your family's ashamed. Your ex is checking your story. You're thriving.
🧻 STEP 2: DO LITERALLY NOTHING
Seriously. Don't farm. Don't stake. Don't even blink too hard.
Just hold $TARDS. That's it.
Every time some other tard buys or sells, a 5% tax is extracted from their ass and:
- 💦 Converted into raw, throbbing $PUMP.
- 💦 Airdropped to every $TARDS holder like a divine golden shower at a Diddy party
- 💦 Sent to YOU — for existing.
🧠 "Wait… who made this?"
Not us.
We can't code. We can barely read.
We hired some basement-bound ultra-nerds who drink Soylent and speak in Solidity. We locked them in a room and said:
"Build us a protocol that rewards us for being lazy, dumb, and aggressively optimistic."
They cried. Then they coded.
Now you're here.
🧨 Real Talk:
You buy $TARDS 👉 You earn $PUMP
You sell $TARDS 👉 You pay for someone else's $PUMP
You do nothing 👉 You win
You tell your friends 👉 You're a financial virus
🧩 Still confused? Good.
You're not supposed to get it.
You're supposed to ape, hold, and let the market do its beautiful, brainless thing.
TARD up. PUMP out. Die rich.